its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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