Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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