we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
