my phone needs a breathalizer
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize