Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
