Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
