I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
