It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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