i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
