Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
