tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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