Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
