All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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