I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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