I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
