Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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