I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
