i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
