Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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