how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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