After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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