Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
