the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
