i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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