just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
