I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
