you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
