I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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