If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
