Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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