Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
