walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
