You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just pee around me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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