Four minutes until I can fart!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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