well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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