his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
