yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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