Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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