I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
