just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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