I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
