You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
