So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
