Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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