K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
