seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
