Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
