I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
