So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this boner is exhausting
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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