I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Houston, we have a squirter
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
