I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
