I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
