My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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