it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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