you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
