First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
