Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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