guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
