i need an iv and a liver transplant
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
