morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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