dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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