I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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