Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
