That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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