How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
