people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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