YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
