i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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