Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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