I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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