Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
