i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
