lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have demons in me.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
