Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
