You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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