Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
