I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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