there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He has the fingertips of a God
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
