Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
