Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
